Hot Hart: More Joy in Heaven...

Vicka and Jacko, looking at the Blessed Mother

Hot Hart: More Joy in Heaven...: 

More Joy in Heaven...

When I was little, my mother took me to a Catholic mass and asked “did you feel God in church?”  I said “no, but I do in the backyard.”  Thus began my life journey seeking God in nature. We never went back to church, although my mom was a believer, my dad was raised protestant, we just never went to church.  As a young woman, I was a "nature girl" – fiercely independent, ultra-liberal, very vocal in politics, even lived in the Alaskan wilderness for several years.  For most of my life, I didn’t know anything about religion, and didn’t want anything to do with it.  I was certain that “Christians” were completely delusional, stupid and brainwashed.  The idea of a virginal birth was so ludicrous to me, I actually laughed and mocked it.  I searched intensely for God in nature, sure that this is where the answers lie.

     My mother died of lung cancer when I was 22.  The best I could say to her as she slipped away was “in the whole course of the universe, I’ll be right behind, if there is an after -life.”  But I firmly didn’t believe that there was.  Once, while boarding a bush plane and distraught over the killing of Alaskan wolves, I brazenly cursed the name of Jesus Christ, blaming all the evils of the world on our western “male-centered” culture.  I hated the way mankind was destroying the earth, and I think I even hated all humanity.  Later I came back to California, and was married in 1990 to David, a wildlife biologist (also agnostic), and in 1993 we had a son.  Two years later, I went to mass for the first time in my life.  I didn't know why.  In hindsight, I see clearly how God led me along the way. 

     It was a couple weeks after that mass, when I first believed that God became one of us.  I was 34.  Father Patrick had said "every new Catholic I meet has someone praying for them in heaven, or someone who has just died."  Me: "ok, whatever."  Over the course of three weeks, I read all the gospels in my mother’s huge, old, dusty, 1950s picture bible that I had hidden in my closet.  I had never read the bible, and didn’t know any Christians except far-away relatives.  I walked around in a daze for about a week at the thought that it could all be true.  I started reading the Pope's book, Crossing the Threshold of Hope, and David was livid, and threatened to leave me.  This was big.  In the past, I had said prayers, half-heartedly, at protestant prayer meetings that I had been “dragged” to.   The fact that nothing had ever happened to me was “proof” to me that Jesus was pure fiction.  But this time was different... very different... I believed it. 

     During the next few days, like a flood of fire, God poured the Holy Spirit into my heart.  I was in a state of what I can only describe as total amazement (shock really) that this was happening, and told my husband that I would be content to die right then.  He was furious - did not understand - but he came to believe eventually.   His journey was much different - God treats each of us so uniquely.  For him it was slow and steady, gradually building him into a pillar of faith.  For the past 13 years he has been working as liturgy coordinator at our church, and this year also as religious education director of St. Joseph's parish.  But for me, it was a plunge, an immersion - a feeling of unimaginable bliss – reflecting, but infinitely surpassing human love, and completely fulfilling the deepest longing of my soul.   I had never even known that part of me existed. 

     This experience culminated when I went to Midnight mass on Christmas Eve 1995.  I didn’t know anything about the Church, when to sit, stand, kneel, or why.  I felt the presence of God in my heart like lightening, and I knew everything there was absolutely real.  I stood in the back of the church with tears streaming, and said, “Lord Jesus, I know you’re there, but Mommy, are you there too?”  It’s impossible to describe - like stars inside – but I knew beyond a doubt that my mother was alive, somewhere, somehow.

     Throughout that night, this Spirit poured deeper and deeper into my heart, until I was completely immersed.  God my Creator took up his home in my soul, and I could only welcome Divine Love, now eagerly exploring His new home inside me.  This was a love like nothing on this earth – perfect fulfillment, ecstasy - union with God.  This was so sweet and all-consuming that for all my life I will live for that moment.  Jesus forgave me so much – I think that there is nothing worse than what I had done to Him in my past.  It is a total mystery and will forever be the greatest experience of my life.

     Had I been single, I would have immediately consecrated my entire life to Christ forever.  But I was married, and a mother, and I have often reflected on that.  The marriage relationship is an earthly reflection of God’s grace and our ultimate union with Him.   I think that sex is not a right, but rather, a singular privilege of marriage.  It has been corrupted by all of us to be a self-serving act, but is designed to be self-giving.  We are eternal, but our earthly purpose is to learn, know and love God and to love others made in His image.  Marriage is meant to be a sacred gift of total self-giving - you literally give yourself away and accept the awesome possibility of creating a new person made in the divine image.  It comes with temporal earthly pleasures, but tremendous responsibilities... and eternal consequences. 

     Marriage can be hard... very hard.  Men and women are vastly different, but can sanctify one another. I believe it is through these very difficult struggles, sacrifices and constant forgiveness in marriage and family that we learn to give up ourselves and our selfish desires for the benefit of others. To become more like Christ as we share in His divinity. 

     The reason for existence is to love purely and perfectly.  Because we are fallen creatures who are not faithful to our true selves, it is necessary to sacrifice ourselves for love.  In fact, the meaning of the word “sin” is, “missing the mark.”  But we are made for divinity, for true One-ness with our Creator and with each other.  For many of us, that means marriage and union with a spouse.  But Scripture says it can be even better to give your life to Him and live for Him alone rather than the daily struggles that marriage entails.  God’s grace is far more than what is needed to sustain us.  The paradox of the Christian life though, is that a "higher" life means going lower... facing our true selves.  We can only do this by trusting in God’s perfect mercy and love.   I feel as St. Paul did:  “I boast in my weakness!”  Because Christ’s strength is in me, and THAT is infinite and eternal, I can now say with truth and confidence, “I’m not afraid of anything.”

     I would like to say something about Christian unity.  My dad was Protestant, and my mom Catholic.  When I hear of fighting between Christians I am heartsick.  I received the Holy Spirit after reading the gospels, so I know that it's true that it's the Word of God.  But then, I went to mass and I know that Jesus Christ lives there... it's His home... the one, holy, Catholic and apostolic church.  No mere man-made organization could have been so vast in scope, time, distance and unwavering in doctrine.  It is what it humbly proclaims.  Jesus promised that "the gates of hell will not prevail against My church."  I believe Him.

   Hell has attacked the Catholic Church, as we all know.  And now, the Spirit is moving in Catholic faithful in a way never before known.  Graces given only to the greatest saints in the past are now waiting at the door of every Catholic heart that dares to face the world in love and welcome them ALL into the family of God.  Our strength is Christ Himself, who feeds us in the Eucharist- His very body, blood, soul and divinity given for the world, and our courage is given through His mother, who loves us all and calls us all home to her Son.

     One of the greatest treasures of being Catholic is Mary.  I remember lying on my bed nursing one of my babies to sleep.  My mind suddenly flashed back to impure images I had seen in my past.  I said “Mary help me.”  Immediately my mind was at peace and God’s grace swept through me, and the sleeping baby started to literally glow - so unexpected – as if she said, “THIS is what it’s for.”  Mary is so powerful and loves each one of us so much, her purity is perfect and she desires to guide us through this very confusing world.  God has given her power over satan because of her perfect love for both God and humanity – and she has been given to us by Jesus Christ as our mother.  Catholic means ‘Universal’ – she is a real mother for the whole world, and for every person.  I love my heavenly mother Mary!

     At Fatima, Portugal, in 1917, Mary appeared to three shepherd children with a message for the world.  She said "God wishes to establish in the world devotion to my Immaculate Heart."  She spoke of the coming wars – a punishment for man’s turning away from God, and Russia's newly developing error of God-less communism.  She asked for many prayers for Russia and the world.  She said, “In the end, my Immaculate Heart will triumph.”  Over 70,000 people witnessed the “miracle of the sun” when it spun in the sky and terrifyingly seemed to plunge to earth.  It was raining hard, but afterwards, everything was completely dry.   In our times, millions believe she has been appearing to six visionaries (then teens, now adults) everyday for 30 years (June 24, 1981) in Medjugorje, a small town in Croatia.  She speaks of a coming warning - a correction of conscience - to every person on earth, a miracle for the world, a permanent sign and possible chastisement.  She assures us of God’s love and hers, and continually calls us to PRAY, love, sacrifice, confess and to return to and follow Jesus.

     The Holy Spirit that pierced my soul that night 16 years ago is now an ever-present warmth inside, like a glowing fire that never leaves me.  Sometimes the flame ignites into a raging fire, like when I sit down to pray the rosary with my family.  Mary asks us to pray the rosary, because it takes some time (at least 15-20 minutes), and we need to spend undivided time with God.  The repetition of prayers is only an outward sign, to “mark the time,” if you will.  The deeper (real) meaning is that it is precious time spent with God in contemplation of one of the four profound sets of mysteries of Jesus life: the Joyful Mysteries of His life on earth, the Sorrowful Mysteries of His passion and death, the Luminous teachings of the Kingdom of God, and the Glorious Mysteries of His Resurrection.  

     The fire of the Holy Spirit is always in me, but sometimes God and the Blessed Mother manifest in a new way.  Like this past spring of 2010, after my family prayed the rosary every night for three months – a real struggle with three boys – I was praying it very slowly in my bedroom, and I smelled the unmistakably strong scent of roses.  That is Mary’s sign to her faithful children.  I honestly never thought it would happen to me.  But it did, and it took my breath away.   It was so amazing. 

     I have never written these things for anyone except my priest in 1996.  I know there must be a reason that I feel compelled to tell it now.   I don’t know how Jesus judges souls, but I know His judgment is perfect.  Mary says this is a time of mercy.  In 1930s Poland, before the Nazi invasion, Jesus told St. Faustina (a simple, humble nun) that now is the time for Divine Mercy – unfathomable graces poured out on ANY one who turns to Him, no matter what they've done.  He said that this time of mercy is given to the world as His last plea to humanity, and He gave us the Feast of Divine Mercy to be celebrated on the Sunday after Easter.  He also said that "from Poland, I will bring forth the spark that will prepare the world for My final coming."  This year, on May 1, 2011 (Divine Mercy Sunday) we celebrate the Beatification of John Paul the Great – the most beloved pope of all time, and the most-seen person in all of history.  Perhaps the Holy Father’s Canonization will be the beginning of a new era.  Pope John Paul II always said "be not afraid," and told us all of a "new springtime" coming soon for the Church and for the world.  

     God has forgiven me everything, and I know it’s not my job to judge others.  But I want to say that there is nothing to fear in turning to God.  Just believe it (faith), and ask (prayer).  Saint Francis said “I would rather be judged by Jesus Christ than my own mother.”  As one who has experienced His indescribable love and mercy, I know he waits for every soul He created.  I have many other stories that I would be glad to share with anyone who is interested.  I pray for you all, and hope for your eternal happiness.  I am here for anyone who wants to talk, now or in the future.  Be not afraid.  “There is more joy in heaven over one sinner who turns to Christ...”  I know...  heaven threw a celestial party for me.  

Leah Darrow Conversion Story - fashion model turns model Catholic

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Former model turns talents toward Christian life

Telegram photo by Cole W. Eberle

COLUMBUS - Wearing a pleated blue skirt, black high heels and a flashy ring on her right hand, Leah Darrow doesn't hide her love for fashion.

Former America's Next Top Model contestant, Leah Darrow, speaks to students at Scotus in the Dowd Activity Center Thursday afternoon about her path through life and how it has affected her Catholic faith. Darrow is now an apologist and speaker for Catholic Answers.

She enjoyed it so much that it lead her to become a contestant on the reality TV show "America's Next Top Model," and later, a career in the industry.

She was successful, earning up to $16,000 a day on some fashion shoots. But an incident during one particular shoot for an international magazine changed her life.

Darrow, an Oklahoma native, shared her story in Columbus Thursday, speaking at Scotus Central Catholic. Her journey is one of faith, love and forgiveness of self.

Raised a Catholic, Darrow never shied away from her religion, but admits that she didn't always live her life according to her faith. Those transgressions stayed with her and developed into a self-hate.

"Sometimes you are your own worst enemy because you are reminding yourself over and over and over" of the past, Darrow said.

Those decisions, she said, included abusing her body through "impure" relationships in high school and college and drinking.

"I was Catholic and told everyone I was Catholic. But my actions were definitely not Catholic, definitely not Christian," she said.

Darrow said she knew of God's mercy and forgiveness, but never really believed in it. So she continued on her path that revolved around the material world as she pursued a modeling career in New York. It wasn't until that magazine photo shoot that she began to have a conversion experience.

The people in charge wanted her to give a sexy and sultry look wearing skimpy outfits. During the photography session, there was an instant when she said everything changed. Describing it as a spiritual and mystical moment, it hit her that she was nothing more than a puppet.

"I realized in that moment that nobody in this industry really does care at all about me. They were using me like I used people," she said.

She quit on the spot and left the modeling profession. She called her dad, who was living in St. Louis, to come pick her up in New York and take her home.

"I had no idea what I had just done. I had just ended my career. No more $8,000 checks. No more money. No more fame. No more red carpet events. No more celebrities."

Those were all things she thought would make her happy, but they came at a cost. She felt like she was losing her soul.

Her conversion didn't happen as soon as her dad picked her up. Just wanting change wasn't enough.

"In my mind I had this little fairy-ish girl who just twirls and says, ‘I've changed,' and then it's done. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that," Darrow said.

Her dad pushed her to go to church where she went to confession. It was then that she said she received mercy and forgiveness and felt at peace. That feeling lead her to pledge to never again believe the lies of our culture that lead her on the path that she was on before.

She said she never really understood what love meant and was looking for it in ways of the world. But now she defines love as desiring the greatest good for God.

"If you really love someone you're not taking them to the brink of sin. If you really love someone you are not asking them to engage in something that will hurt you and them," Darrow said.

After returning home to St. Louis, Darrow began working with Catholic Answers, a lay-run apostolates organization. It is a long way from the fashion runways, but a change that she said others can take, too.

"Never let anyone tell you that you can not change. Never let anyone tell you that you can not do something better than what you are doing right now," she said.

Read more: http://columbustelegram.com/news/local/education/former-model-turns-talents-toward-christian-life/article_2a785e68-3df3-11e1-9c9b-0019bb2963f4.html#ixzz1jX2xeRxF

WHO DOESN'T LIKE JOHN WAYNE?! AND A CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM

 Rome, Italy, Oct 1, 2011 / 12:29 pm (CNA/EWTN News).- John Wayne, for many, was a Hollywood legend who symbolized true masculinity and American values. To Fr. Matthew Muñoz, though, he was simply “granddaddy.”

“When we were little we’d go to his house and we’d simply hang out with granddaddy and we’d play and we’d have fun: a very different image from what most people have of him,”  Fr. Muñoz told CNA on a recent visit to Rome.

Fr. Muñoz was 14 years old when his grandfather died of cancer in 1979. In his lifetime, “The Duke” won three Oscars, the Congressional Gold Medal and was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Of all those achievements, though, Fr. Muñoz is most proud of just one – his grandfather’s conversion to the Catholic faith.

“My grandmother, Josephine Wayne Saenz, had a wonderful influence on his life and introduced him to the Catholic world,” said 46-year-old Fr. Muñoz, a priest of the Diocese of Orange in California.  

“He was constantly at Church events and fundraisers that she was always dragging him to and I think that, after a while, he kind of got a sense that the common secular vision of what Catholics are and what his own experience actually was, were becoming two greatly different things.”

Fr. Muñoz’s grandparents married in 1933 and had four children, the youngest of whom – Melinda – is his mother. The couple civilly divorced in 1945 although, as a Catholic, Josephine did not re-marry until after John Wayne’s death. She also never stopped praying for her husband’s conversion – a prayer which was answered in 1978.

“He was a great friend of the Archbishop of Panama, Archbishop Tomas Clavel, and he kept encouraging him and finally my granddaddy said, 'Okay, I’m ready.'”

As a result of a change in Panamanian leadership, Archbishop Clavel was exiled from his native land in 1968. Three years later, Cardinal Timothy Manning, then the Archbishop of Los Angeles, invited Archbishop Clavel to Orange County, where he served as pastoral leader to half of Orange County's 600,000 Latinos.

By the time of Wayne's request, however, Archbishop Clavel was too ill to make the journey to the film star's residence.

“So Archbishop Clavel called Archbishop McGrath,” Fr. Muñoz said, explaining that Archbishop McGrath was the successor to Archbishop Clavel in the Archdiocese of Panama. 

“My mom and my uncle were there when he came. So there’s no question about whether or not he was baptized. He wanted to become baptized and become Catholic,” Fr. Muñoz said. “It was wonderful to see him come to the faith and to leave that witness for our whole family.”

Fr. Muñoz also said that his grandfather’s expressed a degree of regret about not becoming a Catholic earlier in life, explaining “that was one of the sentiment he expressed before he passed on,” blaming “a busy life.”

Prior to his conversion to Catholicism, though, John Wayne’s life was far from irreligious.

“From an early age he had a good sense of what was right and what is wrong. He was raised with a lot of Christian principles and kind of a 'Bible faith' that, I think, had a strong impact upon him,” said Fr. Muñoz recalling that his grandfather often wrote handwritten notes to the Almighty.

“He wrote beautiful love letters to God, and they were prayers. And they were very childlike and they were very simple but also very profound at the same time,” he said.

“And sometimes that simplicity was looked at as naivety but I think there was a profound wisdom in his simplicity.”

Fr. Muñoz summed up the hierarchy of his grandfather’s values as “God coming first, then family, then country.” It’s a triumvirate he sees repeatedly reflected in his grandfather’s films. He believes those values are much needed in Hollywood today and, if “the Duke” were still here he’d be leading the charge.

“My grandfather was a fighter. I think there would be a lot of things he’d be disappointed and saddened over. But I don’t think he would lose hope. I think he would look at the current time as a moment of faith. People are in crisis and they’re looking for something more meaningful, more real,” Fr. Muñoz said. 

“So I think he would look at the situation and say – don’t get discouraged! I think he would say get involved. Don’t go hiding in a shell and getting on the defensive from Hollywood. Get involved and be an agent for the good. I think he would do that. That’s what he did in his time.”

Marshall McLuhan - conversion testimony

Note from the Managing Editor: of CERC Many years ago – long before I was a Catholic – I was presented with an opportunity to sit down and have a discussion with Marshall McLuhan and his wife at their home in Toronto. It could only have been the intimidation factor that led me to decline that invitation. I certainly now regret not having taken advantage of it. Aside from his stature as the preeminent prophet of media culture at the time, McLuhan was a devout and intellectually convicted Catholic who understood both how very true the Church's teaching is and how very counter-cultural Catholicism is. McLuhan was converted to the faith in 1937 while studying at Cambridge and as a result of reading G.K. Chesterton. In 1935 he wrote his mother: "Had I not encountered Chesterton, I would have remained agnostic for many years at least". At the news of his intended conversion, his mother was inconsolable, convinced that it would damage his career. McLuhan's faith was quite a private matter for most of his life, though on occasion he revealed to intimates that the Virgin Mary had provided intellectual guidance for him. On one occasion during a retreat I was on, Father John Hardon, S.J. quoted McLuhan as having said that: "The modern media is involved in a Luciferian conspiracy against the truth." All this is leading up to telling you that July 21st was the centenary of Marshall McLuhan's birth and Father de Souza has a fitting tribute to that great Catholic Canadian below. http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/stories_of_faith_and_character/cs0523.htm

Cop becomes Priest.

Badge and a gun traded for a crucifixNewly ordained Catholic priest Anthony F. Cardone comes to the job with plenty of experience in the study of diplomacy, security and sin.

A former law enforcement officer who handled all three, he's also known the emotional upheaval of divorce and is thrilled to be stationed near the ocean so he can indulge his passion for surfing.

Not your average 20-something novice.

Cardone was one of three men ordained by Bishop Francis Malooly last month at the Cathedral of Saint Peter, in Wilmington. At 58, he was by far the oldest to take his vows this year in the Diocese of Wilmington. (The two other new priests, the Rev. Joseph W. McQuaide IV of Elkton, Md., and the Rev. John T. Solomon of Wilmington are both 25.)

In his first career -- 25 years in law enforcement -- he went undercover to buy handguns and confiscate counterfeit money for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

As a special agent with the State Department, he made sure diplomacy at home and abroad was conducted safely, coming into contact with a wide range of political and religious figures, including the Dalai Lama, Pope John Paul II, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, President Bill Clinton and Yasser Arafat, the late Palestinian leader.

Earlier, as a New York City police officer, Treasury officer and a Nassau County probation officer, Cardone dealt with murderers, thieves and liars.

He was well aware that these folks needed to be arrested. At the same time he's often felt criminals could use his compassion, and he's found himself praying for those he booked.

"If you have the right attitude, you'll do your job but do it in a loving way," he says.

Steve Liantonio, one of his first partners on the New York City police force, says, "He's a person that cares out of his heart and takes an interest in you."

More than half of the 275 priests joining American dioceses this year are between 25 and 34, according to the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA) at Georgetown University.

Several years ago Father Joseph Cocucci, director of vocations for the Diocese of Wilmington, met Cardone, who was then in his early 50s, and was impressed with his faith.

As a policy, the diocese considers candidates 18 to 50, but then Bishop Michael Saltarelli had encouraged Cocucci to use his discretion when older men applied.

"I felt Anthony had a great sincerity and enough things had happened in his life that it seemed to me that the priesthood is where he was being led," Cocucci says.

He also fit another trend: men coming to the priesthood as a second career.

Since 1964, Blessed John XXIII National Seminary, near Boston, has trained such men and there are 600 alumni serving. A few are now bishops.

Cocucci attended the seminary, as did Cardone, who found an interesting mix of students. Cardone studied with a former microbiologist, eye doctor, anesthesiologist, federal judge, airline pilot, rocket scientist, veterinarian and military officers.

"That our church needs people of any age is undeniable," says Father Allan Fitzgerald, director of Villanova University's Augustinian Institute.

Older priests bring a life experience that is valuable to parishes, though some may resist being molded to seminary theology, Fitzgerald says. Still age is seldom an impediment to acceptance, given that the average age of the 27,000 diocesan priests is 60, according to CARA.

The path to the priesthood wasn't clear to Cardone, who is now serving St. Luke-St. Andrew Churches in Ocean City, Md. At age 9, Cardone was an altar boy. He also attended Catholic schools and always found mystery and beauty in the Mass.

He says if he'd had more courage as a young man he might have entered the priesthood in his 20s, but he did have the courage to face criminals and guns.

He's had numerous secular jobs, managing buildings and serving as a flight attendant. He also married and has a daughter, Kate, who is 24. However, his marriage was not a sacramental one in the eyes of the church and it was annulled in the 1990s.

Today he is in the rare position for a priest of having lived through the grief of divorce.

"I know life is painful and people suffer and there's human weakness," he says. "But Jesus wants people to trust in God and seek forgiveness. With God's mercy all things are possible."

His divorce was one of the most difficult periods of his life and he found "Divine Mercy in My Soul," a book by Saint Maria Faustian Kowalska, a comfort.

"Through the diary you can see God relating with love to his creation," he says.

Liantonio, his former partner, says Cardone is much the same as when he was as a New York cop. Even then he had a knack for getting things done peacefully.

"I used to joke that he was connected," Liantonio says. "It was amazing how things just happened for him."

Cardone says he often saw people's longing to be better people when they sinned. That's why, while serving in diplomatic security, he once gave a holy medal blessed by Pope John Paul II to a war criminal.

"This man, who had murdered many, welled up with tears," Cardone says.

Often, Cardone has felt God's response to his spiritual needs. In the 1990s on assignment in Beirut, he was confined to a compound, unable to leave for Mass.

"I went to my supervisor and he said it was too dangerous to leave and go to church," says Cardone.

Still, he longed for Communion, and from the compound he could see a statue of the Holy Mother. In prayer he cried out for her intercession, and one day a Capuchin priest from Nazareth, home of the Holy Mother, came looking for Cardone. The priest began to hold Mass on a regular basis.

Cardone is grateful to Mary. Prior to becoming a priest, he thought he would have to give up three favorite hobbies -- fishing, boating and surfing.

But he was wrong. He now finds himself in a parish on the Atlantic coast where there is plenty of fishing, boating and surfing.

"Sometimes I feel like a spoiled child of the Blessed Mother," he says.

http://www.delawareonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2011107160303

MEDJUGORJE TESTIMONY - Lisa Burns (22), from Manchester, gave her testimony

A Story About Jesus & Grace - By Lidija Paris Translated by Marianne Sajn
Reprinted with permission from Glasnik Mira, January, 2010

At the Youth Festival in August 2009, Lisa Burns (22), from Manchester, gave her testimony. She talked about how the death of Pope ]ohn Paul II returned her to ]esus.

My name is Lisa, I'm 22 years old. I come from Manchester, in England, and now I live in Scotland, in Craig Lodge. That is a house of prayer which lives the Medjugorje messages and holds spiritual exercises, and you are all cordially invited to come if you want to spend some time with us, and live the messages of Our Lady. It is a place where young people consecrate themselves for a year of their life to Our Lady and Jesus. I was asked to give you my personal testimony and I want to tell it to you from my heart. I cannot offer you any kind of theology, but simply a story of great grace that Jesus offers, to me, and to every one of us.

I was raised as a Catholic in a Catholic family. In our diocese, I was the only such case, because as a seven-year-old, in one year, I had received all the sacraments. When I was about 12 years old, everything that I had learned, everything that I had received with such joy had ended. I didn't remember anything. Even though I came from a Catholic family, we actually didn't practice our faith. We didn't go to Church every Sunday, and they didn't do a good job of teaching me the foundations of my faith either. I went to Catholic school in which, even though it was Catholic, the mutual maltreatment between the young people was in full swing. Since I was a good student and wanted to be a good person, and that people would like me, and because I just wanted to help people, the school pests (bullies) immediately saw me as an easy target. They began to systematically harass me, and one by one, my friends left me out of fear that they would become maltreated as well. I felt very isolated. Since I felt so helpless and isolated, I began searching for answers, how I might come to some strength, how I might gain control over this situation.

I remember one day sitting in school during catechism class, and next to me sat one of the popular girls, one of the abusive kids, and she was reading a book on sorcery/witchcraft. When I looked at that book, the first thing I saw was the sentence: "Sorcery formula for how to overpower violence and become popular". At that moment I thought, that's the answer! That's it! That's what I need! The girl closed the book, and I was thinking I need to investigate this further. I began to make progress in sorcery. It began with magazines for teenagers, who in England, and I think all of Europe offer pages with sorcery formulas, supernatural phenomenon, and occult practices under the guise of something harmless - the guise of a joke that has no con¬sequences. I went to a bookstore, a regular English bookstore and found an entire wall full of books on occult themes and sorcery, and there was one section that was exclusively assigned to young people who were interested in sorcery. Let me add that these books were found right next to the Harry Potter books. They were so attractive to me, so tempting. And so from the age of 12 to 15, I was constantly progressing in sorcery. My life started becoming darker, and darker, and darker. One day, I opened one of the books to a page that said, "Now call on the name of Lucifer. Do not be afraid, he is not the devil." It was saying to me that the devil does not exist, that the Church is corrupt, that it hates women. Those are all lies.

When I was 16 years old, I understood that the sorcery was not helping me and I stopped it, but I did not have a firm foundation of faith in Jesus, so I did not turn towards Him. Instead, I was lost. I was searching for Him with my whole heart, but I didn't understand it. I remember I used to lie in bed at night and cry to God in hopes that my life would come to an end. I thought there was no reason for living. Why are we even here on this earth? I was cynical, I didn't believe that love could possibly even exist.

That's when the Pope died.

I remember the newscast in which they announced that he had died. John Paul II had died, and my life changed. He was a man whom I had never met, a person who didn't interest me at all, but in that moment, I didn't know for what reason, something hit me. During the following days I followed the news about his life and I began to change, but I didn't understand why. He contradicted everything that I knew. Here was a man who devoted himself to the Church and to the people, here was an intelligent person who believed in Jesus, and that Satan does exist, and I thought it was all mid-century religion. He loved with his entire heart, and even though he was 84 years old, and had Parkinson's disease, something radiated from him that I had never seen before in anyone else. I was 17 years old, I was depressed and hopeless, I wanted to end my life. I looked at him and, not knowing, saw Jesus himself and I said, "I want what he has."

God's love melted the ice that was enslaving my heart.

The day came for the Pope's funeral. I was fascinated. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the TV screen. My heart was broken as if a member of my family had died. I was comical unto myself, I didn't understand what was happening to me. Then Cardinal Ratzinger, our current Pope, stood up to give the homily. During the entire homily I constantly heard; follow me, follow me! And then the one sentence that changed my entire life, He said, "He is standing at the window of the Father's house and is blessing us." Yes, bless us, Holy Father. I don't know for what reason, I cannot explain it, at that moment I felt as though something hit me. In my heart, which had been as though marooned in ice, at that moment God's love, God's grace descended, and melted the ice that was enslaving my heart. That reminds me of the words from the Bible when God said, "I will remove your heart of stone and give you a new heart of flesh." For the first time in many years, I once again felt like a human being. I felt that I had hope and that I once again can dare to believe in love. I took my grandmother's rosary and said to myself, I have to go to confession.

There was a battle waging within me. I didn't understand what was happening in me. When I kissed the cross and looked at Jesus, I said to myself, all this time, He was here. I was looking for Him but I didn't know it. For all these years my heart was yearning for Him.

I was cursing Christ, when in fact, I was searching for Him.

The next day I went to confession. I was shaking like a leaf. When I went into the confessional I felt a heavy burden, and I told the priest that I had been very stupid, and that all these years I had been cursing and rejecting Christ, and that I didn't know that, in fact, I was searching for Him. When I came out of the confes¬sional it was as if I had risen out of the tomb with Jesus. I didn't know that there is an entire theology behind that. I had simply felt that way. While I was standing in the Church, I felt an enormous spiritual and physical burden fall off of me. The darkness that had surrounded me for so long had ceased. Once again, sun¬shine and hope returned. As I was standing there like that in Church, and looking towards the tabernacle, I didn't comprehend that Jesus was there, but I thought it was just bread there. I heard it said to me, "You have returned home." I cried like a baby for two days. From that day my life was completely transformed.

That transformation did not stop and it will continue until my dying day.
Thanks be to God and to John Paul ll. I can love, I can believe in love even in my worst days. Now I know that, no matter how isolated I may feel, I am never alone.

The risen Lord gives his love which forgives, reconciles and opens souls for hope.

I would like to tell you, if you have friends, or if you yourselves are occupied with occult practices or sorcery, I warn you with much love and concern in my heart that the devil does exist. As tempting as those things may seem, it is of itself repulsive, and wishes to separate you from Jesus Christ who loves you and who died for you. My words are so poor. At the end, I would repeat the last words of John Paul II to the world and to the youth, which I had read prior to my confession. It was as if he spoke to me. Maybe he's speaking to you as well. Listen, "To all of humanity, which seems so lost today and under the power of evil, selfishness and fear, our risen Lord gives his love which forgives, reconciles, and once again opens souls for hope." Thank you, Jesus.